Brownies
by Andrivette
Summary: Ruby makes the best brownies, and everybody wants a piece. However, being deserving of them is another thing entirely.


If the members of Tantalus knew anything, it was that nobody was in the group for no reason. Even the best and brightest of the bunch could see something worth having in the least thief-ly of them all, and everyone's favorite cowgirl was certainly no exception. Ruby might not have been much of a treasure hunter, and everybody knew she was more interested in receiving jewels from gentlemen than taking them from rich old geezers, but she did know how to whip up some real treasures in the kitchen.

It was her mother that taught her, she would brag, from the recipes they had passed down in their family for generations. Ruby's Mama got the recipe from her daddy Rube, who got the recipe from his grandmother Ruby, and so on. Oh, how Mama Pearl would smile when she told little Ruby about her grandfather, wishing she could have met him. He made the meanest darn rack of ribs you could ever taste, she would say.

Ruby was good with all kinds of things, but her specialty was dessert. If you put a sack of icing in that gal's hands, she could go to town on the plainest slab of cake and make it as frilly and fancy as one of the dresses she paraded around in on stage. Tricks of the trade, she would brag again with a little wink.

All the boys knew she was good, too. They would wait around every night to see what Ruby was cooking up, and even if they were stuffed to the brim from dinner, they knew they had to save room for dessert. But nobody, and I mean nobody loved anything more than Ruby's Special Ooey-Gooey Brownies. Nobody knew why they were so Special, or what made them so Ooey-Gooey, but if they ever asked, she would launch into another long story about her family's recipes. By then, nobody would have time to eat a single thing until she was done and the brownies had already gotten cooler, so they learned to quit asking and just enjoy them.

The brownies were dedicated for the end of the week, and she always made exactly nine — no more and no less. There would be one for each Ruby, Zidane, Blank, Marcus, Cinna, Baku, Benero and Zenero (this was before Buntz and Lucella came along), and then one extra for whoever had behaved the best that week according to Ruby. This extra brownie wasn't just any old extra, you see, but the brownie cooked right smack-dab in the center — the most Ooey-Gooey of them all — and everybody wanted that brownie.

As the end of the week drew closer and closer, everyone started sucking up to her. Cinna would bring her flowers ("You like daisies, right?"), Baku would just give her more ingredients ("Do what you're good at. Gwahaha!"), and Marcus would bring her a spool of thread ("So you can fix up the hole in that skirt you like"). Benero and Zenero would let her boss them around with the chores ("What's next, Ruby?") and Zidane would always forget until the last minute, following her around like lost little puppy and flooding her with compliments ("You know that shade of blue looks gorgeous on you?"). She had to roll her eyes and tell him to scoot every time, because if he couldn't tell, she was one girl who didn't like having her skirt chased. Blank just plum forgot, like he was always forgetting everything.

When Saturday night finally rolled around, dining room tensions were high. As supper was shoveled in, all the boys were waiting to hear who had rights to the most delectable of all the brownies, their forks fisted in eager hands and their eyes trained on the southern belle with the key to their hearts (which were, of course, their stomachs). On this particular Saturday night, the boys were extra-excited because Ruby had tried something new with the recipe, and as they each ate their normally designated hunk of baked goodness, they hummed in new-found enjoyment. Had the brownies gotten chocolaty-er? Or maybe even gooey-er? Probably both, they nodded amongst themselves as they chased each bite with a slurp of milk.

Then, with their plates clean and the one special brownie left over in the pan, their glances turned anxiously toward the silently smirking Mistress of Sweets.

"Hey, Ruby," Cinna began, rising slowly out of his seat. "Do you think … Maybe …"

Blank rose instantly. "Don't even think about it."

"Like you can say anything!" Cinna snapped. "You didn't do anything to deserve it!"

"And you did? For the record, Ruby doesn't even like daisies," he remarked dryly.

"Then what does she like, smart guy?"

"Well, she …" Blank's face flushed in frustration. "She likes—"

"Oh, don't bother. You don't remember a single thing Ruby tells you!" Cinna was grinning as if finally triumphant.

Ruby sighed, glancing away from the bickering boys just in time to see something furry creeping along the table. "Zidane, you get yer fuzzy hind-end away from that pan right this second."

"But Ruby, I've been so good this wee— OUCH! You smacked me with a spatula?" He pulled his smarting tail into both hands, offended.

Ruby waved the cooking utensil threateningly. "I'd do it again, too. Keep yer paws and all yer other 'ppendages away from that brownie." A snort sounded from across the table, and Ruby's spatula turned in its direction. "And whuddyu find so funny, Marcus?"

He shrugged innocently. "The fact that all these lazy bums think they even have a chance at getting it."

"I know I do!" Cinna snapped. "I'm nicer to Ruby than any of you twerps!"

"By getting her flowers?" Zenero piped, flailing his arms. "We helped her with the chores!" Benero followed, mimicking his brother's gesture.

"Yer all wrong!" bellowed Baku. "The only reason any of you guys are eatin' tonight is because I got the food to begin with! Ruby's got me to thank for all her cookin'! Ain't that right?" He grinned at her hopefully.

"No way! Like she'd appreciate that—"

"But I told her she was the prettiest member of Tantalus—"

"And you're just a stupid suck-up—"

"You're both useless when it comes to gifts—"

"ACHOO!"

"We're plenty deserving of it—"

"I don't think you even know what girls really want—"

"Ruby's not just any girl—"

"But you're just a loser anyway—"

"EVERBUDDY SHUT YER TRAPS!" Ruby hollered, smacking the spatula against the table. All eyes returned to her, nervous gulps filling the silence.

"Since all y'all are dumber than box o' hair and don't know how to treat a lady nice and proper all the time, like not runnin' yer ever-lovin' mouths off in front o' her like a bunch o' reckless heathens, I know exactly who's gettin' the brownie tonight." She snatched the pan from the table and looked all around at them, knowing each was waiting to hear the winner's name on her lips. "Me."

Everyone watched with gaping mouths as she scooped up the brownie and plopped it onto her plate, whisking away with it into the kitchen to enjoy it alone.

"I can't believe it," Cinna said.

Marcus frowned. "No, she's right."

"She's always right," Blank grumbled.

Zidane, who had been staring at the empty pan, suddenly burst into laughter. "Seriously? Geez, what's a guy gotta do to get recognition for his good deeds around here?"

There was a collective glare.

"Alright, alright," he lifted his hands in surrender. "We all lost, fair and square."

"Darn right you did," they heard from the kitchen, Ruby's voice muffled from what they all imagined was the chocolaty-est, gooey-est, most delicious brownie that had ever been baked, and all they could do was sigh.


End file.
